Boundaries, Blessings, and Burnt Pie: A Real-Life Holiday Reflection
The Chaos We All Know
For the last two weeks, the family group chat has been dinging nonstop as everyone keeps asking, “What are the plans for the holidays?” — even though they haven’t changed in the last five years. And of course, there’s that one family member who insists on cooking and bringing a dish everyone quietly hopes they won’t. (You know the one — the mystery dish no one could quite figure out, so you hid it in the cabinet just to make sure no one eats it by mistake.)
It’s funny how these very moments make the holidays what they are. The same chaos that drives us crazy is also what makes the season feel familiar — the mix of laughter, noise, and a few mild headaches along the way. The truth is, the mess, the noise, the traditions — even the ones we roll our eyes at — remind us we’re part of something bigger.
For some families, the holidays mean the same house, the same recipes, and the same friendly chaos every year. But with Thanksgiving and Christmas right around the corner, I thought it was time to talk about how these seasons — while full of joy, excitement, and wonder — can also bring stress, worry, and, for some, a quiet reminder of loneliness.
This post is for anyone who’s feeling the weight of those changes — whether it’s shifting family traditions, evolving friendships, or relationships that look a little different this year. My hope is to help you navigate the mix of emotions that come with it all: the laughter, the longing, and the learning. Together, we’ll explore how to find peace in the middle of the chaos, set boundaries that protect your energy, and still leave room for joy, connection, and a few perfectly imperfect moments along the way.
A Season of Change
I also want to take a moment to acknowledge that, for some of us, this season feels a little different. Maybe it’s the first holiday without someone we love, or maybe traditions are changing in ways we didn’t expect.
For me, this season carries a new kind of quiet. We recently lost my grandmother — the heart of our family — and with both of my grandparents gone, we’re now facing the question of what the holidays will look like without them.
For years, everything happened at my grandparents’ house. Dinner was never ready on time, no matter when we arrived. My aunt — the self-appointed kitchen captain — always needed a “quick” store run despite spending the whole week at the store. My grandmother was her taste tester, making sure the dishes were done just right. The pies never burned, but there was always a fuss about dinner not being ready.
Looking back, that was part of the magic — the imperfection that made those moments ours.
And that’s the thing about the holidays: they have a funny way of shining a light on all our connections — family, friends, and relationships alike. They remind us of what we’ve lost, what we still have, and what we’re still learning to nurture. Between joy and nostalgia, excitement and exhaustion, this season tends to stir everything at once.
But maybe that’s the quiet beauty of it all — how life keeps shifting yet love continues to show up in new ways. It might be a friend who checks in just because, a song that reminds you of someone you miss, or a simple moment that makes you feel grounded again.
If this season feels different for you, too, give yourself permission to honor that. Feel it. Miss them. Take the time you need. And still, let yourself find joy — even if it’s smaller or slower than before. Because healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means carrying their love forward while still making space for new memories to grow.
Finding Balance in the Holiday Rush
Every year, we promise ourselves it’ll be calmer this time. We’ll plan ahead, say “no” more often, and let go of perfection. But somehow, the chaos always finds its way in.
Let’s be honest — the holidays have a way of testing every boundary we thought we had figured out. Between the invites, expectations, and emotions that come with family, friends, and relationships, even the most grounded among us can start to feel stretched thin.
I’ve talked about boundaries before — what they mean, how to build them, and why they matter — so I won’t repeat all of that here. (If you want to revisit those posts, check out Before the Breakdown: The Power of Boundaries in Relationships and The Ties That Bind: Navigating Family Dynamics with Growth and Awareness.)
But I will say this: boundaries aren’t walls — they’re bridges to calmer energy. Saying “no” early prevents burnout later. And at the end of the day, boundaries help you enjoy the blessings instead of merely surviving the season.
What I’ve learned over time is that boundaries don’t disappear during the holidays; they just get harder to hold. They take on a whole new meaning — and that’s where the real growth happens.
Because boundaries aren’t about shutting people out — they’re about letting peace in. They’re the quiet choices that keep us centered enough to enjoy the people and moments that truly matter.
As the season unfolds, it’s easy to lose ourselves in the planning, giving, and rushing. But peace doesn’t have to mean pulling away from it all — it’s about finding balance within it. It doesn’t have to be complicated; sometimes a few gentle shifts make all the difference.
So, here are a few reminders to help you protect your peace while still making space for connection and fun this season:
Gentle Reminders for the Season
Don’t overcommit. You can love your people and still say “no” sometimes. Protect your energy like the gift it is. You don’t have to attend every event this season.
Simplify your plans. Focus on presence over perfection. The house doesn’t have to sparkle to feel warm. The goal isn’t a picture-perfect holiday — it’s to have fun and enjoy the season with the people who matter most.
Find moments of joy in the in-between. Laughter in the kitchen, a slow morning coffee, a walk after dinner — they all count. The unplanned moments often end up being the ones we remember most.
Give yourself permission to step away. A quick reset can do more for your peace than pretending everything’s fine. Taking personal space doesn’t mean you don’t want to be around others — it just means you need a moment with yourself, and that’s okay.
Communicate with kindness. Let others know what you need before resentment builds. Most of the time, they’ll understand more than you think. Open communication helps us stay connected, not distant.
(If you’re still learning to navigate that part, check out The Art of Listening: A Guide to Better Communication — it’s a reminder that healthy communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s about truly hearing and being heard.)
If you want a deeper dive into building stronger boundaries, you can revisit my earlier posts linked above. But for now, let this be your reminder: peace doesn’t mean isolation — it’s about making choices that help you show up with more love, energy, and authenticity.
This year, I’m giving myself permission to enjoy the mess — to laugh when plans change, to rest when I need to, and to stay present for the moments that matter most.
The funny thing is, when you stop trying to manage everything, the holidays start feeling a lot more like joy and a lot less like survival.
At some point, something will go wrong — the pie might burn, the group chat might blow up, or your patience might run out. Maybe all three. But those moments don’t define the day. They remind us that peace isn’t perfection — it’s learning to breathe and laugh through the mess.
However this season unfolds, give yourself grace. You’re allowed to rewrite the rules, shift traditions, and make room for what feels right.
Remember — peace isn’t something you find after the holidays; it’s something you can create in the middle of them. Because when the laughter kicks in — the real, belly-deep kind that follows the chaos — that’s when the beauty shows up.
Peace doesn’t mean everything went according to plan; it means you showed up with love, grace, and maybe a side of burnt pie.
Once you’ve made peace with the burnt pie and the imperfect plans, you’re ready for what comes next — turning inward.
In the next part of this series, Holiday Heart Check: Love, Loneliness & Letting Go, we’ll shift from managing the noise around us to understanding the emotions within us. Because sometimes, finding the answer means asking the questions we’ve been avoiding — the ones that lead us back to ourselves.
🌿 Reflection — Gratitude Beneath the Mess
Even when the table looks different, the love is still there. Maybe not in the same form, but in the laughter that lingers, the memories that resurface, and the quiet ways we keep showing up for one another.
This season, I challenge you to take a deep breath. Look around and notice what still feels beautiful in the middle of your chaos. What moment — big or small — can you hold onto when things get loud?
🪞 Moment of Reflection:
Where can you set one boundary that makes room for peace this season?
